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Guest Post- The Barren Womb

Published on by Violet RhodesLeave a comment

The following post is written by a cousin of Jerald, namely Luanne Mast. I have been inspired by her cheerful spirit and acceptance of her disappointments in life. I asked her to write on this subject so we who have families can learn to be more sensitive and compassionate to those who long for a brood of their own.

“Happy Birthday, dear Kylie…” rang thru the house filled with uncles, aunts, and grandparents. She smiled shyly as she opened the gifts for her 3rd birthday. Her auntie had helped sing to her, eat cake, and gave a gift. But her mind was far away. Her heart was hurting. She felt a deep pain which almost felt physical. “What’s wrong with me? Why would this feeling come in the middle of a birthday party?”

Then it hit me. My firstborn could be right beside her cousin tonight having a joint birthday party. She was due 2 weeks before Kylie. They would have had so much fun together. Where was my child? My mind pictured the mound of dirt on the edge of the lawn. Then the streets of heaven. So different from Kylie’s life. “God, You know how much we long for a child to call our own. This dream to be fulfilled.”

   That night my heart was sad. Very sad. Aching. Times like those seem to come at the most unexpected times. At times when I am not even worried I will lose my composure. Infertility. 4 miscarriages. DEATH. Grief. Acceptance. Losing heart to EVER dream about anything. Crying to God to not let you be hurdled to the depths of despair. Loneliness ripping at the fringes of another day at home alone. Fear of your husband being the next one He will ask you to give back to Him. Church family standing by praying and also saying so. Seeing the sunshine of a new morning and knowing God has a plan in our lives and is still good just like my friends told me. Being surprised at actually being able to thank God for the journey and grief He has allowed. Is life fair? NO! God never intended that I try to be like everyone else. He created me for his glory. Not mine. I cannot expect to grow if I continue comparing my life with others. “Be you. Not them.” Does that take the pain, the desire, the left-behind-feeling away? No. It is a reality. It is what God is asking me to go through.

   Maybe you, my friend, are reading this and understand the pain. Maybe you have a sister who is going thru this while you feel continuously exhausted with your 3 little blessings. Maybe you are reading this just out of a caring heart. Bless each of you. This can be a sensitive subject. We are all such different makes and models, but all have the desire to be the same person – Mothers for God!

~To those of you who are experiencing barrenness of the womb…

You are at the very place God has allowed you to be. How you relate to it may or may not be the response God desires. There is nothing wrong in desiring children. Some people cannot figure out why you can’t just accept and be content with being childless. (They have never been there.) If you have not allowed bitterness to settle in, can reach out to folks whether they have children or not, and find your little place to serve God – you have accepted your place in life. Does it take your desires away? No. My favorite verse – “Four things say not, It is enough. The grave; and the barren womb; the earth that is not filled with water; and the fire that saith not, It is enough.” I went thru a time when I felt like I had to let people know what this felt like. I was setting myself up for hurt. Not everyone will understand. Not everyone who actually asks you how it is going will understand. Let go of the feeling of needing to help them understand. You soon learn who you can share with and when to just reply “I’m doing good.” Then ask about their life.

Remember you may be hurting. So often hurting people hurt others. After the burying of different of our babies I know I did not respond right to people who tried to show us they cared. I took some of their comments wrong (and sometimes still do). I was suspicious of others. We are hurting. We are grieving lost dreams. Dreams for that specific child or the dream of never having children. They are lost dreams. Ask God to continue to heal and for a compassion for what others are going thru. Pray for that before going to a tea party, to church, or to any where you know you could respond wrongly.

   We each have different bodies. What works for me, may not work for you. Feel free to share that thought with the person that brings to you the next thing to try that worked for so and so. I long for this writing to be encouraging to those who feel so alone in this journey. I wish I would have known so many of the things I know now, back at the beginning of this journey. It took close to a year to get pregnant the first time, but lost the baby in a week. After losing 2 babies we went the medical route. Many visits with a gynecologist ruled out things that actually left me feeling reassured. After a surgery for endometriosis and a bicornate uterus we were encouraged, and told we most likely will be fine. Am I sad we went the medical route? Not a chance. I feel like a different person—pain- free. But alongside all that, here’s a few things I wish I would have known 6 years ago. Research them and learn for yourself.

    Do bloodwork/saliva testing for your hormones (progesterone, estrogen, testosterone), thyroid, Vitamin D, and adrenals. Find a midwife who can send you for lab work, read the results, and prescribe the needed supplements or progesterone (pills, vaginal suppositories or shots). Progesterone (bioidentical, not synthetic) seems to play an important part in conceiving or carrying a baby. Some midwives find it helpful if you chart your cycles. (Taking Charge of your Fertility book). A methylated form of vitamin B in the Smarty Pants or Meleluca’s multivitamin is more absorbable by some bodies. These are just a few things I am learning. Have I attained? No. Have I carried a baby full term? No. We decided to give my body time to heal and just work on my overall health. Amidst learning about my body and all the doctor visits, I still find rest in knowing there is a reason God has allowed this. Don’t get so wrapped up in all the things that might be wrong that you miss enjoying the things that are right…actually perfect. Your husband. Your duties and blessings as a wife.

   I tend to get so involved in my day or projects that I don’t stop for lunch. That is not good self-care at all. Eat lunch. Sit outside in the sunshine. Read a book. Just zone out for a half hour or more. And enjoy it without feeling guilty. God didn’t intend for you to do everything for everybody because you have nobody around and then end up being so exhausted that you can’t enjoy the 1 loved one he did give you!

Let’s try to remember that we are just as prone to make snide or selfish comments. Saying to someone who has lost a 2 year- old child, “Least you had one to lose” is not from a compassionate spirit. Find things to do and ways to reach out and children to love. Sitting at home all the time wallowing in self pity will not give you purpose in life or many friends. Thinking NO ONE understands or cares is selfish. Let’s not be sensitive or easily offended. Deep down in they do care about us.

   For those of you who have tried for years to conceive or have lost babies and are working thru that grief, please don’t compare griefs. Please talk to someone. Find someone who has been there. But also find ones who haven’t been there. There are always caring people as long as we don’t push them away.  Just because you have only lost one and I have lost four doesn’t mean that I won’t be able to relate or do not want to talk with you. It doesn’t mean I have it figured out or feel like I have reached some plateau. It doesn’t mean I have had life so much harder than you. We each have times of suffering and are at different places in our journey, but we can be there for each other. I think the grief of lost dreams of having a baby or losing a baby thru miscarriage can teach each of us to be more compassionate and caring for others around us no matter what they are going thru if we allow it to make us better instead of becoming bitter like Satan would wish for. To each of you my friends….I know….It’s hard…I care. Let’s remember who created us this way. He has a plan. A beautiful plan. “He hath made everything beautiful in His time.”

 ~To the sister or friend of one with empty arms…

   You play such an important role in her life and well-being. My sisters and mom have been such confidantes for me. I know I can tell them exactly how I am when they ask and they won’t tell every Ruth, Sarah, and Anna. Confidence is a huge thing for those of us in this. We feel like so much of our lives are already exposed. Don’t betray them. Don’t tell others details from their doctor visits or whether you know if they are trying to conceive or are taking a break. If others ask you about them because you are a good friend or sister, just encourage them to go talk to them themselves and that you don’ t want to betray her confidence in you as a friend.  If they hear you repeating things that were told you, don’t be surprised if you don’t hear more from them when you talk again with them.

   Ask them how they are really doing. And listen. They don’t want advise. They just need to talk somedays. They often already know the pat answers and phrases that they should be doing and thinking. They are most likely trying to come to grips with everything yet. Please don’t take it personal or judge her for not coming to see your newborn baby the first week or the first time to church. She may not even be up to bringing a baby meal either. Don’t just exclude her from a shopping trip with your friends because you are baby shopping and think it would be too hard for her. Tell her ahead of time what you are doing and that she is invited. Be willing to accept whatever she decides. Ask her throughout the trip if she is doing okay or if this is too much for her. She will feel your care.

   Foresight is better than hindsight for us folks. It means the world to me when my sisters or friends tell me they are pregnant before they announce it to their other friends. Then I don’t have to be surprised right in front of everyone and try to digest all the feelings in front of others. Some of my friends have even done that when switching to maternity dresses, too. A text saying “Hey just letting you know I am planning to go into my maternity dresses this Sunday.” has melted my heart so many times.

   Sometimes I come upon a group of ladies conversing. The conversation stops. I feel like a big intruder. Later I find out they were talking about births or pregnancy. Don’t just stop. Include us in your pregnancy and story too. It is harder to relate to you if you don’t tell us anything when we ask you how it is going. We know you tell others details about it. Just because we have never been there doesn’t automatically mean we do not care. But to continue on in that sort of conversation for a long time will not appeal either. Bring the conversation around to something she can join in with. She may walk away from a group that is just continuing on with such subjects. A text that night telling her you are sorry you didn’t think of her in that conversation goes a long way.

   Be careful about making careless remarks about family planning, being “done” having children, or statements that take for granted you will have future pregnancies. Those comments can send daggers of pain through a woman’s heart that has learned she has no control over her fertility.

   Be sensitive with blanket statements about ladies who dealt with infertility and then were gifted the miracle of pregnancy and birth. Comments like, “Well you know she went on the Reliv program, that must have been what finally did it” or “It was the Juice Plus vitamins she was taking” or “Wow they must have finally just relaxed and forgot about it and it happened!” or “You know she told me they surrendered and prayed to God like they never had before and they got pregnant.” Statements like that cause deep pain to your infertile friend and make her question her faith.  Only she knows the desperate prayers she and her husband have prayed night after night, year after year, crying out to God to open her womb. Only she knows the surrendering of her will over and over and over again. Only she knows the handfuls of pills and vitamins she swallowed, the “miracle” shakes she forced down day after day, the ovulation kits they bought and tried, the progesterone cream she rubbed on, the crazy positions they attempted all at the “perfect” time…only to have their dreams crash again and again, month after wearying month.

   Care. Truly care. Don’t just care to settle your curiosity. Invite her and her husband out for supper some evening to your favorite restaurant. Leave the children behind for a double date or take them along. Invite them to your house for supper and invite them to stay for family worship. They miss relating to children and their lives. Evenings can get long for a childless couple. Take an interest in their lives and what they do. Don’t just assume they don’t have much going. Sometimes they are so busy because so many folks assume they are getting bored or have the time to do this or that. They can be exhausted too. Please talk about your life, family, or a funny thing your child did that day to them…just don’t complain. If you have accepted where you are in life, she will sense that. I love when ladies include me in their lives. I find it hard to relate to the ones who share nothing about their lives because they are scared it will hurt me. That’s not relationship. Maybe ask her if you wonder if it is hard for her to hear you talk about whatever.

~Things to do for those struggling with infertility:

* Be aware of days that might be extra hard for her. Send her a text or a card, and let her know you’re thinking of her when there’s a new baby in the congregation and all the extra buzz surrounding it — birthing stories, baby meal schedules, and baby-looks-just-like-mom discussions. It’s easy for her to feel like everyone else is being handed miracles and she is left sitting on the sidelines year after year after year. It doesn’t change her situation but sometimes knowing someone cares makes the day a little brighter.


* Share your babies. Each person is different on this. Please ask them beforehand instead of just assuming they would love if you handed them your baby in church.

* Talk about it. Don’t let it be a huge white elephant in the room. Ask questions if you’re not sure how to relate. Ask if there’s anything you can do to make her feel more accepted and connected in the circle of ladies you’re a part of. Ask what discussions are painful for her to find herself in. Ask her how she’s coping on this journey she’s traveling. Ask if it makes it easier or harder to be offered babies to hold. Ask instead of just assuming. Ask questions that give you better knowledge on how to relate and care for her heart, not nosy questions that give you information to feed the gossip chain.


    * Tell them early when you are pregnant, etc. Before she has time to overhear discussions on morning sickness and smock patterns and get suspicious. Her mind and ears are probably on high alert to those subjects and it’s painful when she realizes she’s been left out of the loop.

   * Drop off a meal or breakfast casserole just because. She has never received baby meals and most likely has made lots for others while tears slid down her cheeks. Remember her with flowers or food or chocolate sometimes “just because.” And try to remember her on her birthday. She has very few times in her life that she is pampered by her friends. It’s easy for her to feel she’s the one that’s always giving, always serving, with no morning sickness, baby bump, or colicky newborn as a “reason” to sit back and take it easy.

   * Include them in your family life. Invite them for supper, to join on a camping trip or another trip somewhere.

* Be intentional about subjects and conversations you can connect on outside of motherhood talk. Do you have a hobby in common? Invite her to sew or scrapbook or bake at your house. Go shopping together and purposely stay out of the baby department and off of those topics. Instead look at fabric or furniture or browse the book sections at the second-hand store. Sit and sip coffee together and ask her about her life, her hobbies and her interests. You have plenty of friends to talk baby stuff over with; this time focus on subjects that connect with her heart.

   * Invite them in to join you in the nursery. We can’t help but notice you are in there with your babies and talking, but it’s just not our place.

   * Have your little children give them gifts or cards. It means the world to get a brand- new children’s book handed to you from the hands of your friend’s two- year- old.

   * Pray for her and let her know that at times. Love her and accept her just as she is. There will be times she puzzles you, times she hurts you with her seeming lack of interest in your life and your babies. Remember her grief is a private one – a grief that usually isn’t tangible. If she never buried babies there are no dates to remember, no graves to visit and lay flowers on, no photo book to look at, no memory corner filled with treasures in her living room… just an empty nothingness that stretches on and on without a beginning and an end. It’s difficult to find closure to a grief like that.   

~ Things to do for those who have a miscarriage:

  • Order in a supper for them or take them a meal. A week of meals means so much after losing a baby.
  • Order a bouquet of flowers online or take her some.
  • My mom drove four hours decked with lavender scented lotion and a flannel sheet and gave me a full body massage. So comforting.
  • Give them a gift certificate for a massage.
  • Order Chocolate covered strawberries online thru Sherri’s Berries or make a plate of them
  • Invite her to a tea party the day of her due date along with 1-2 other friends. She’s dreading that day, but will not get anything around most likely. It is just therapy to get out of the quiet, lonely house. Make sure she does not spend the day alone!
  • Give a gift in memory of the baby they lost- a gray flannel Blanket, white teddy bear, a plaque, a book
  • Make a picnic basket for them to take on a picnic the day of her due date or close to it. This could also be done for your friend who has no children…just to show you care.
  • A sunshine basket from the church ladies

~Things not to say (that I have heard):

    Relax. Maybe you are trying too hard to conceive.

    Just hang in there. You will have a baby. (Are you God?)

    You can have my children for practice tonight.

    You can just do anything whenever you want! (Actually, we are very normal and have jobs and things to do just like you.)

    At least you haven’t waited as long as so and so yet. (Who’s to say we won’t’?)

    Are you staying busy with anything? (You can feel like they think you sit around every day.)

    Maybe your baby was deformed. Then this is better.

    It has to be easier to deal with the grief of losing a baby than to have a son run away from home like so and so had last week. (I can hardly process all that right now. I’m just trying to get thru my own grief.)

    It is very common for ladies to miscarry at least once in their lifetime. The next one will probably be fine. (Are you God?)

    “At least…” Any comment beginning with at least is not usually comforting to the grieving.

    At least you know you can get pregnant.

    At least there are no other children to take care of while you heal.

    Having another child or adopting will probably help you forget. (No! No child will take the place of the one we lost.)

    Why don’t you try to figure out more what’s wrong with your body and give it a rest before you try again? (We definitely have.)

     At least it’s not like you have given birth and have all the pains of that. (Obviously you have never felt the pain of a miscarriage. The upheaval of hormones. The confused body. The terrible labor and then in the end a dead baby with 10 little toes and fingers just perfect as can be that you need to bury and let go. I can’t process how it compares or doesn’t to a full- term birth right now.)

Things you can say… 

   I care and am praying for you.

   I can’t imagine what you are going thru, but I care.

   How are you really doing?

   Would this and this be too hard for you or would you enjoy it?

   We appreciate the place you and your husband fill here. No one else can take your place.

   We really admire the way you have accepted your journey and what God has called you to go thru. We don’t understand, but imagine it can’t be easy. We pray for you.

Just a simple, caring attitude will be felt with very few words. Acting like what they are going thru is nothing new or you’ve been there and done that and know of others who have had it way worse etc. will not reach their hearts. Compassion. Care. Prayer.

Luanne Mast lives in Colorado at the foot of the Rockies with her husband Lynford. She enjoys the outdoors, the view of the mountains, a clean house, cooking, and relationships (especially serving coffee or tea to her husband or friends while catching up on life). They both come from large families and enjoy all the company that brings. They have been working at an adoption from Columbia since December 2019 and are waiting to be matched. If you wish to reach out to her, she would love to hear from you. 91luanne@gmail.com

Layered Cakes And Love

Published on by Violet RhodesLeave a comment

This post will be short and sweet. Well, actually more sweet than short. If your looking for a scrumptious dessert for a Valentine’s lunch or dinner, I recommend this Red Raspberry White Chocolate layer cake. An absolute paradise for the taste buds! Every once in awhile, I enjoy laying aside all gluten and sugar free recipes and bake up a lovely, fluffy cake! I usually take it to social functions so we have help eating it!

Red Raspberry White Chocolate Cake

Assembling the cake

Mix a white cake mix using directions on box, then melt 4 oz. baker’s white chocolate and beat into cake batter. Divide batter into 3 8” round cake pans. I first line them with wax paper then spray them well so they will release easily. Bake at 350* for 18-20 min. Flip onto wax paper lined plates to cool.

Red Raspberry Filling:

Whisk together 3 T. flour and 6 T. milk. Heat and stir over medium heat till thickened. Cool and set aside.

Cream together 6 T. Shortening and 3 T. Soft Butter, then beat in 4 T. melted red raspberry jam, 3 C. powdered sugar, 1/2 t. red raspberry flavoring and a pinch salt. Last beat in the cooled flour mixture. Beat very well.

Frosting:

Beat well 8 oz. soft cream cheese and 1 stick soft butter. Add in 4 oz. baker’s white chocolate squares, melted, and 3 1/2 cups powdered sugar and a pinch salt.

To assemble the cake, put one cake layer on platter or cake stand. (It works best to make the cake layers ahead of time, wrap individually in Saran Wrap and freeze for a day or at least a few hours. This makes them so much easier to work with when frosting and assembling!) Spread with red raspberry filling, some fresh raspberries, cut in half, then another cake layer. Repeat. Once the 3rd layer is on, frost with the white chocolate icing. Decorate with fresh raspberries and white chocolate peels as desired. Some fresh mint sprigs would look beautiful but I did not have any. Also, this is really sweet, so if you want to ice it with the ‘naked’ look, you could cut down on the sugar intake.😛 One of my friends did this cake like that for a party and it looked really pretty too!

Enjoy a taste of yum!

Now here’s another cake idea but without all that flour and sugar! This doesn’t look Valentine’sish but it still works for a healthier yum! Surprisingly it has no flour in it at all! Though it’s not a tall, fluffy cake, it is still quite tasty!

Layered Ho Ho Cake

8 eggs separated

1/8 t. cream of tarter

8 oz. cream cheese

1 t. vanilla

1/2 c. simple sweet

1/ 3 c. cocoa

Beat egg whites with cream of tarter until stiff. Mix rest of ingredients together, then gently fold in egg whites. Divide batter into 3 8” round pans lined with wax paper. Bake at 300* for 30 minutes. Flip onto wax paper lined plates to cool.

Filling:

6 oz. cream cheese

1/4 c. simple sweet

1 t. vanilla

3/4 c. whipping cream

Mix cream cheese, sweetner and vanilla until smooth. Beat cream till stiff and add to cream cheese. Place one cake layer on plate or stand and spread on half of filling. Place another cake on top and spread with remainder of filling. Top with last cake.

Glaze:

2 T. Butter

2/3 c. Lily’s chocolate chips (or you can use another brand of sugar free chocolate chips if desired)

1 T. Simple sweet

1 t. Cocoa

2 T. Whipping cream

Melt butter and chocolate chips on low heat, then remove from heat and add rest of ingredients. Mix well. Cool a little before pouring over cake. Used with permission from Simple Foods.

More important than eating beautiful cakes is the love in your heart for those around you. I think this quote is so true- “Your love for God is no more than your love for the person you love the least.” When we have the Redemptive love of Christ in our hearts, He will help us love those ‘hard to love people’. “Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and everyone that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.” 1 John 4:7, 8. “By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another. John 13:35 A true test of whether we are really followers of Christ! In this day of social distancing and mask wearing, we can be the quiet, courageous person displaying love and kindness to all around us. There are many opportunities in this cold and fearful world. Be kind today!

Help Wanted

Published on by Violet RhodesLeave a comment

We have been abundantly busy this month, working on a remodel project in our home. We had mold in our master bedroom and bath to irradicate. The remodeling makes a depressing mess and disturbs the whole house. But now with it restored to a fresh, new look and orderliness, makes one sigh with satisfaction.

Our new master bathroom

I have also not been feeling well these past months. Next to zero energy levels spins ordinary work into looming mountains. We’re still trying to navigate roads leading to what might be the cause. I would like a device to attach to myself that would spell out the exact issues- like reading a temperature device. (If you know of someone who invents these, let me know.) The idea of mold being a culprit, at least in part, is quite likely.

And so your thinking, “ahh she needs help with her housework, or another remodel project or cooking or some other thing.” I could definitely use help especially in the cooking department. We’re only a family of four but I continue to be amazed at the effort it takes to keep a supply of decent food around. Dietary restrictions and lack of inspiration can sometimes make cooking feel more joblike than joyful. Then there’s all the ordinary effort it takes to keep a household running moderately smooth. But no, I’m not asking for help in these areas. “What, is she even trying to say”?!

I’ve been struggling to get blogs out like I would like to or that I feel are chipper enough. I’ve felt like some of my recent ones bordered on lame but I sent them anyway and hoped somebody was inspired. I’m working on another but it’s a vast subject and requires more details and gathering information than I’ve had time. So I pushed it off again and kept thinking “what could I send out”? Nothing really clicked or worked to write about presently. So I decided to do this one to ask for your help.

Awhile back I had a reader request tips on traveling with children/toddlers. We probably all have our own ways of doing things to make traveling more smooth. If y’all chip in and share your tips, I’ll compile them and make a later post and we can all enjoy the tidbits of other’s advice!

So what are your tips on how to stay organized when you travel with your children? Do you pack or load a certain way? How do you organize their books, toys, blankets, and pillows? How do those of you with scholars organize and work at their school work? (if you take that along.) How do you do snacks without the vehicle looking like it’s not been swept in 2 1/2 years, after the first go around of snacks? Do you make particular homemade snacks that are non messy? Do you make some healthy, homemade foods in an effort to help guard against not getting sick as quickly? How do you keep everyone’s hands at least halfways sanitary? (This particular one really has been a huge one for me to deal with, with my children because I’m way too germaphobia. I’ve had to back down ALOT from my phobias!) Share your healthy snack/food recipes too, if possible. Tips for traveling by air are welcome too because I know some of my reader’s most common form of traveling is by flight. If you have other traveling tips outside of what I mentioned here, feel free to share those too!

You may email your tips to me at jeraldsflower@gmail.com (do not reply to this blog post) Having them to me by February 8 would be appreciated. Thank you for your help!

Why Hast Thou Made Me Thus?

Published on by Violet RhodesLeave a comment

This is an article I wrote for the Inspiration Emails several years ago, so bear with me for those of you who’ve read it before. This topic is something I have really been struggling with again lately. I was doing an extensive fast the other week, only to weigh myself and discover I had not lost a single thing but instead, gained a whole pound!!! A woeful predicament indeed!! Obsessing over weight sure doesn’t bring happiness. But why does it bother me so much? There’s various reasons of course, but I conclude the bottom line is simply pride. It humiliates me that I cannot at least be a little less fleshy than I once was back in my new bride days…

And so it is, that I endeavor to resign myself to the body God has given me…. Perhaps it’s not your weight that bothers you. Maybe it’s a self acceptance of your personality, your looks, your health, whatever it is for you, know that God created you exactly as He thought best! You can serve Him the best just the way you are! (Who needs this reminder more than the writer herself!) 🙄

I heaved another big sigh as I began dressing for church. “I don’t want to hear it!” my husband quickly replies. “I know what you’re thinking!”
Yes, my dearest on earth knows me quite well! “But why can I never be thin?!” I grumble inside. “I try so hard to lose weight and the stubborn pounds cling on for dear life! And often, when I do lose a few, it isn’t long till they’ve found me again.” Dark thoughts continued to torment me as I tried on one sweater and then another hoping one would at least make me appear a little thinner than I really was.
I have a bigger build and never owned a cute sized waist. Plus, several full-length stomach surgeries have left me with bumps and bulges that I call mini Appalachian Mountains. I can’t imagine me with a lovely smooth tummy and I’ve murmured discontent way too often.
“Honey, I love you just the way you are!” Sweet words from my sweet man! I know he wearies of my complaints but how much more does God? Nay but, o man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, why hast thou made me thus? Hath not the potter power over the clay? (Romans 9:20, 21)
Shame on me! Being discontent and not accepting ourselves is sin. When we struggle to accept ourselves, we are focusing on ourselves instead of God! Our evangelist this fall spoke one evening on man being the crowing glory of God’s Creation. “We are here to bring honor and glory to God and one of the ways to do that is to accept ourselves the way God made us. Take the focus off yourself and serve God the best where He calls you!”
It’s okay to try losing unnecessary pounds but when it becomes obsessive, it becomes wrong. Let’s accept ourselves the way God chose to create us and remember He made us exactly like he wanted us to look! Woe unto him that striveth with his Maker! (Isaiah 45:9)

365 New Days

Published on by Violet RhodesLeave a comment

A brand New Year ahead of me-

What it will hold I cannot see.

Let it NOT be the year of a turning away,

From the LOVE of Christ to seek the world’s way.

For this MAY be the year of our Lord’s return-

“Is my heart ready?” Should be our concern.

Or this COULD be the year that’s the last one for me-

Eternity’s ahead, let’s live carefully!

Regardless what comes, let’s do Christ’s commands

We surely can TRUST our lives in His hands!

-Violet Rhodes

Cranberries And Christmas

Published on by Violet Rhodes3 Comments

Isn’t the month of December such a unique month?! Always filled to the brim with all the holiday excitements of special baking, shopping, gift wrapping, food making, Christmas suppers, programs and get togethers….

We are probably too quick to take a lot for granted…. At least I am. There’s so many in this world who are extra lonely and sad right now, because they know it’s a time for families to get together and they have none. (Or maybe aren’t allowed to get together!) And worst of all, many do not know the real meaning of Christmas! They’ve never experienced the Joy of Jesus in their hearts and thus knowing the real meaning of the coming of Jesus as a baby so many years ago! Are we compassionate and showing the love of Jesus to others wherever we can?!

Recently I read a story of a family who enjoyed visiting a live nativity at a church. When the children peeped in to see “baby Jesus”, there was nothing but a few rolled up blankets! What disappointment! A lesson for us, let’s be very conscious of the fact that people are watching us as Christians and are they seeing Jesus in us or will they be disappointed too?! Are we ministering to the needy around us and thus showing Jesus?

Here’s a different twist to add to your holiday snacks…. I was super pleased when I tried this out!

Cranberry Salsa

1 12 oz. package cranberries, fresh or frozen, chopped

1 c. sugar

1 jalapeño seeded and chopped

1/2 c. chopped fresh cilantro

a bit of chopped onions

Mix the chopped cranberries and sugar until well mixed, then stir in the remainder of ingredients. I think 1 cup sugar is plenty but I know cranberries are sour. But feel free to experiment with less or using a sugar substitute! This gets juicy after it sets a bit. Serve with cream cheese and crackers. Yum!!

Cranberry Salsa

Cranberry Nut Cookies

Here’s another recipe I just got and made very recently. Thanks to a new friend I “met” recently on a WhatsApp chat, namely, Rachel Weirich, who was so kind in allowing me to share on here!!

2 c. almond flour (not packed)

1/2 tsp. baking soda

1/4 tsp. salt

1/3 c. simple sweet or sweetner of choice

2 eggs

1/2 t. vanilla

1/4 c. melted coconut oil or butter

1/4 c. chopped pecans

1 c. frozen, chopped cranberries

Mix dry ingredients together then add in remaining ingredients and stir well. Drop on to greased cookie and flatten with fork. Bake at 350* for about 10-12 minutes. Once cooled, drizzle with melted dark chocolate. I couldn’t drizzle the chocolate in a beautifying fashion so I ended up just spreading the chocolate over top!😜

Cranberry Nut Cookies

I was happy to have another yummy gluten free cookie recipe to add to my collection and especially a pretty and healthy Christmas cookie at that!

Cranberry and Popcorn String

Cranberries and Popcorn String

Thread a needle, knot the end, and let your children have fun stringing together cranberries and big popcorn for simple holiday decor!

May you and yours enjoy a blessed Christmas and New year! How thankful I am for the assurance that we have the Lord to walk beside us every step of the unknown year ahead! He will not forsake his own and is so worthy of our trust!

Jerald & Violet Josie Kate- 5 Reece Edison- 16 months

Daily Planners And A Giveaway!

Published on by Violet RhodesLeave a comment

Do you love or hate a daily planner? Do you make a lot of lists or keep track of schedules and appointments on a nearby calendar? Or what is your method for keeping your head together, besides the skull our heads come packaged with?

I am a paper type of gal and always have loved notebooks, pens and pencils. Sticky notes too are a favorite for me! I make lists with company menus, lists of ‘forget nots’ before trips and even keep sticky notes and a pencil in my nightstand for those times I think of something I must do or add to the grocery list or who knows what it may be! But if it’s on paper, I rest much better than trying to remember mentally! So of course I love planners and have used one for years!

There’s a wide variety out there to choose from and even several designed by Mennonite ladies, which one of those is what I use. I personally don’t like one that’s too overwhelming. The one I have really enjoyed for the past 7 years is The Time Keeper by Starla Kreider. The cover is always gorgeous which is inspiring! It’s spiral bound which is a must for me so it lays flat or can be flipped to one side. It has monthly tabs to easily locate the correct month. It has a monthly calendar page where you can jot down events and appointments, with a narrow section beside that to jot down monthly projects.

I love the way the weekly sheet is laid out! It begins with Monday and ends with Sunday, and I like that, because to me, the week feels like it starts Monday. On the opposite side of the page, is space for each day’s menu, plus a large space for your ‘to do’ list. There’s lots of extra space in the back of the Planner for notes and a gift idea section. There’s perforated shopping lists too, which I have yet to become organized enough to use them efficiently! I also love the ‘planning ahead’ section in the back with a small space beside each month of the next year. You can scribble in the dates of a far off reunion or vacation or whatever. I use it especially toward the end of the year before I switch over to the next year’s planner. Here are pictures of The Time Keeper.

I find it so helpful to use a planner on a regular basis. It helps much to just free up my mind! I like to write down the simple, normal duties on a regular basis. Monday’s list is usually, wash, cleanup house, and then it varies from week to week. But if you consistently do laundry or cleaning on a certain day, consistently write it down. Sometimes I also choose to do the ironing and mending on Monday. Or if I want to sew on Tuesday, then on Monday I also try to cut out the dresses etc and prepare for sewing already on Monday. Then Tuesday, I feel ready to start as soon as my morning duties are completed.

If I’m going to town on a certain day, that’s what I write for that day and usually not much else. It kinda soaks up a good portion of the day, especially with children. And then also till you get the groceries put away, naps and make supper. On Fridays it usually looks like, wash, clean. Sometimes I do break down the ‘clean’ into smaller jobs, such as clean bathrooms, mop, dust. Otherwise, it feels like your really getting something done, but you’ve still not completed all the cleaning and thus there’s nothing to cross off yet for all the effort! Crossing off completed jobs is a big thing in my mind!

Even just writing down small jobs such as writing a letter or getting a card off in the mail, or placing a call-in or online order helps to get those things accomplished! When there’s a day that doesn’t look as busy, try making a note for a few smaller jobs like those and see how good it feels to get that done! When I near the end of one week, I usually have an idea of what the next week is looking like. That’s helpful for when my husband or someone asks, what do you have going next week? Could you help with…? Mentally I think of my planner and what the week looks like. If it’s not full of urgent pressing things, then I feel I can plan around that event and make it suit.

When I think of jobs I would like to do but can’t right now, I like to page ahead in my planner and make a note of those jobs several weeks or a month or more out. It saves my mind, and yet keeps me from forgetting entirely! (keeping a list of ‘running’ jobs on a sticky note is helpful, because you can keep moving the whole list to the following weeks, if you aren’t able to get the projects completed) And yet it’s there for a reminder when time does allow to work on some of those jobs.

I also love a planner for keeping track of my turn on church schedules. As soon as I get a new list, I go to my planner and write it down in the week that I’m on for Sunday host, or cleaning church, or taking a meal for someone and so on. I still highlight our name on the list, but again, this way I can forget about it, knowing I’ll be reminded as I get closer to that week.

If your not a paper type of person, that’s fine. Maybe you make notes on your phone for reminders and that works too. I hate using my phone for reminders but that’s because I’m not techy enough! (I have already out of desperation). But I like my paper that doesn’t disappear or refuse to cooperate!

I find using a planner also helps that I don’t just aimlessly go in circles forgetting what I really wanted to accomplish that day. It still feels like that sometimes and for sure, there are days I don’t get everything done I wrote down! (That’s why I use pencils!) And I need to be ok with that! Interruptions are the normal aren’t they?! Its also nice to just block off a day to just ‘take it a lil easier’. Jerald frequently chides me that I ought to just relax a bit more. And it sure helps if I plan ahead for that, or otherwise, I can think, “oh hey I’d have time to do this, and this and this! And before I know it, I get all involved in something that I never even planned to do! (I hate procrastination!) But I’m a bit too much the opposite! If it helps me out tomorrow, why not do it today?! Moderation in all things.

Have you been inspired to try a Planner this next year? Choose a style you like and give it a try! (You can purchase the Time Keeper here).

I will be giving away this Time Keeper planner! If you would like to be entered for the drawing send an email to jeraldsflower@gmail.com with your name and address by Sunday, December 6. (If you receive my blog via email do not reply to this post but instead send me a separate email).

Happy planning!

Perpetual Blessings Demand Perpetual Praise

Published on by Violet Rhodes1 Comment

Recently our church had its annual Thanksgiving supper with a mini service beforehand. Jerald led the youth in giving a small program of singing a few songs in the service. I had babysitters, so was able to participate this time. One of the songs, My God How Endless Is Thy Love, has taken on a special meaning for me. The text was written by Isaac Watts and was set to music by James S Martin. The music to it is simple and beautiful!! (you can listen to it on Tract 1 of Tapestry Singers Arise album)

My God How Endless Is Thy Love
-Isaac Watts-

My God how endless is Thy love;
Thy gifts are every evening new;
And morning mercies from above
Gently distill like early dew.

Thou spread’st the curtains of the night,
Great Guardian of my sleeping hours;
Thy sovereign word restores the light,
And quickens all my drowsy powers.

I yield my powers to Thy command,
To Thee I consecrate my days;
Perpetual Blessings from Thy hand
Demand perpetual songs of praise.

Perpetual blessings demand perpetual songs of praise! Constantly, God is granting good things! He bestows His mercies on us daily! Am I as perpetual in giving Him songs of praise as He is in bestowing blessings?! I confess I am not. But it’s certainly my desire to do so! Hopefully you are better than I am! But we all know it’s our natural inclination to be negative. It takes no effort. To be positive and grateful requires effort!

I think even just having a quiet, thankful heart of praise, whispering our thanks throughout the day, can still be praising God. Even though we may not always literally be singing. Although that is a wonderful habit!

If we’ll only look and take notice of God’s abundant gifts, we’ll see them all over! I know the world is in perpetual turmoil and if that’s where our focus is, we’re sure ‘nuf gonna miss them blessings!! It’s all in where our eyes are turned. Turn your eyes upon Jesus…. and the things of earth will grow strangely dim. Will you, with me, make a conscious effort to take notice and not only Thank God, but Praise God for His endless love and His endless mercies bestowed upon His children?! Certainly thanking Him is the first step but choosing to Praise Him, when we think we have plenty to complain about can be our sacrifice of Praise. Hebrews 13: 15 (Amplified) reads like this; Through Him therefore let us constantly and at all times offer up to God a sacrifice of praise, which is the fruit of our lips that thankfully acknowledge and confess and glorify His name.

What do you have to Praise God for today? Can you round up enough songs of praise to equal His blessings?

Nebraska night sky

October Musings

Published on by Violet Rhodes2 Comments

Last week was saturated with work. (As though there’s many weeks that aren’t!) And now this week is chucked full with something going almost every night. I randomly bake cinnamon rolls and pumpkin pies to sell and had wanted to do that this week again. Wednesday evening I gave that up. I’ve been too busy and snappy with my children, besides not spending enough time with them. Thursday I decided to not be in a hurry. It felt lovely.

I needed a few groceries in town, so decided we’ll all go to the store and then stop at a few little shops in search of a candle, because I really needed one. Reece woke early, so that meant mom’s night was finished too, even if it wasn’t. So I thought, Ok, I’ll get a good start to my day, get the laundry going and surely we can get left for town by 9. Josie was trying to brush out her own hair, the wash needed changed and Reece had another pooped diaper, credit to a case of diarrhea this week. But I thought he was over it. (This was also the reason for waking mom early because his bottom needed assistance) Every time I’m by myself trying to get all of my two children out the door I give a mental sigh of how it must be to get, say, four or five children out the door! Would I even be able to get left before lunch?! Ok that’s a bit exaggerated but you get the idea. Eventually we got left, but not at 9. Sun-mart was not busy, for which I was grateful. If you want to exacerbate the events of shopping with children, go to the store when it’s rush hour.

I’ve been inwardly lamenting that it’s fall and I don’t even have any nice smelling candles to burn! I usually burn soy candles because their not toxic like the average synthetic ones. But those are hard to find and I forgot I was out of my favorite kind, until I went to pull it out and discovered it wasn’t there! Now, the second reason for getting a candle is embarrassing. You know those little gray critters that seek for shelter in cold weather? One or two invaded our house and then just up and died behind closed doors. No, he missed the traps, and definitely hid well, because it smells like he’s behind the dishwasher or under the cabinets where it’s nigh to impossible to get to! And oh what a smelly predicament! I threatened to Jerald I’ll pull out the dishwasher myself to get it out! Unfortunately it only remains a threat because I of course, am not a carpenter. So I succumbed to fresh air and, yes, a candle! The mice know just when to die without being embalmed- usually just before company comes, which was Thursday night. Fresh air? Yes! Essential oils diffused? Yes! Candle burning? Yes! Mouse corps? Uhh… yes still kind of….😤

But it was still a good day! Someone told me this new coffee shop in town has candles. So we trotted down the street to check it out. I immediately decided we would take time to get drinks too. I explained to the lady I’m not big on coffee so she kindly offered to put in half of the usual espresso. That really helped out my taste buds and I enjoyed a salted caramel latte. It’s been my history of getting flopped drinks at coffee shops and feeling disgruntled at the money spent but not enjoyed, so this was an exceptional accomplishment. The children shared a hot chocolate which she only warmed, instead of steaming hot. A second kind gesture. Hey, I believe I’ll patronize this place some more! I also had the chance to visit with an older couple who was in there. Would I have taken time for this if I had been going at the top notch speed I often do?? They loved the children…. Don’t children often make for good conversation?! I also invited them to church for the evening service because we had a chorus group coming to give a program. Oh. And yes, I even found a candle! No, it’s not soy wax as I normally get but since it was direly needed, I made an exception.

Late afternoon the children and I also made a small batch of healthy No Bake cookies. Of course we had a mess because there was chocolate, oatmeal and 20 little fingers involved. Remember: pictures don’t do justice.

This was supper one night this week. Love fall!! Carmalized sweet potatoes and apples and fresh salad with greens off the tower garden! Josie chopped the lettuce and prepped our salads. She felt important and thoroughly enjoys helping make food.

Carmalized Sweet Potatoes and Apples

2 large sweet potatoes, peeled and diced

2 – 3 apples, diced

2 T. coconut oil

1/2 t. salt

2 t. cinnamon

2 T. coconut sugar or brown sugar

Using a cast iron skillet, melt oil and fry potatoes till about soft. Add in apples, stir and cover pan for a few minutes. When both are soft, stir in remaining ingredients. I like using a crisp apple like Fuji or Honeycrisp. I’ll often sprinkle in a little stevia too, if I think it’s not quite sweet enough. Feel free to adjust the salt and cinnamon too, to suit your own taste because that’s how I cook! In fact, I find it a little hard to write out recipes exactly like I make them because its very likely to vary a bit from one time to the next!

This is our aeroponic tower garden. In the winter we keep it inside and grow greens all winter long, using grow lights. If your interested in one, just email me! Because we can certainly get you one!

Some simple fall center piece ideas…

Cinnamon sticks glued onto a candle looks really fallish. I actually used masking tape inside out, just so the cinnamon sticks stuck a bit, then tied jute cord around to hold it on. I topped it off by glueing on a whole anise star. A dried orange or apple slice would look pretty too! It would probably be best to use cinnamon sticks on a battery operated candle, since it could be fire hazardous when the candle burns. But if you just want it to decorate, it’s fine and dandy! I haven’t burned this candle yet. And by the way, these are only the simple, unscented pillar candles.

Isn’t Autumn a wonderful time of the year? Go on a brisk walk and enjoy the brilliant leaves. Breathe deeply and thank God for lungs to breathe fresh air, for eyes to behold the beauty, and for the sense of smell to sniff that unique autumn scent! Savor a drink in the dark quiet of an early morning. Ok. Really. I need all this advice myself. This time, your welcome to listen in on my mind’s lecture. Other times, not welcome. I tend to have whispered sermons when I go on my strolls, discussing with myself and God about whatever concerns me at the moment.

We’re having weekend meetings and I was reminded again in last night’s message of the importance of slowing down! We can’t hear God when we’re going 100 miles an hour in our mind and work! Be still and know that I am God…. Psalm 46:10

A Peek In My Herb Cabinet

Published on by Violet Rhodes1 Comment

With cold weather coming on and winter being a typical time for flu bugs to sail around visiting homes, I thought this would be a good time to share on some things I like to use and keep on hand. Throughout the winter I regularly give my children herbal calcium, silver and an elderberry syrup or immune booster. Juice Plus chewables are another staple for my children! (At a later date I will blog about Juice Plus, which is an incredibly good product!)

I like to have my cabinets stocked with herbal tinctures especially in winter so I can feel ready for any cough or bug that might creep our way. If you want to use herbal tinctures and remedies, you must jump right on it at the first sign of sniffles, aches or flu. Don’t wait till you have that “ugh” feeling, to place an order of herbs! Keep some on hand so you can begin taking them immediately or sooner! Taking a few droppers full every hour or two is usually a good, safe guideline. You must be consistent if you want results! Once or twice a day isn’t enough if your battling sickness.

Also getting fresh air daily and occasionally fresh air into your house is a real good idea to help battle the germs! (I have a certain set of “fresh air” beliefs) Maintaining a healthy diet will help much in escaping many of those winter flues. Don’t expect to eat a diet void of fresh foods, and then think a few herbs will help you get better in a jiff!

When my children are sick I like to put all the tinctures, essential oils and thermometer in a basket or plate, then I can carry it to the couch or bed and have everything at my fingertips. If the children have fever, I rub peppermint, lavender and lemon essential oils on their spine and feet. Then also, soak a rag in apple cider vinegar and swab or lay it on their foreheads. Of course getting them to drink cold juice or water or suck on ice is also helpful. When I was a little girl, my mom gave me the egg white remedy to bring down fever. Beat one egg white and mix in a little sugar or sweetner and vanilla to make it palatable. Drink down as much as possible. It’s a gaggy texture but it does help bring down fever pretty quick. I haven’t used this on my children but would if they’re fever went pretty high. So far I don’t think mine have had 103 or above and I’ve been able to have success with natural remedies. Did you know it’s beneficial for a child to have several good fevers before they’re 5 or 6 years old? It kills cancer sells and helps the body build immunity to infection/fever. Many people are quick to give Tylenol or something similar as soon as their children have fever. But that’s not good for the body in the long run. However, I don’t mean to carelessly let a fever go too high because it could be dangerous. I keep an eye on their fevers and do all I can but if it would soar too high, then I would give something else.

I used to use a lot of the Doterra brand of essential oils and still really like those, but because of price, I’ve gotten on to using more of the “now” brand. I think they work great but if you want to take it internally, I would recommend the Doterra brand. I really like Doterra’s oil blend called Onguard. It’s a strong combat against germs and sicknesses. I’ve found another place (Ann’s Naturals) carries something very similar, which is called Combat oil. This is a blend of cloves, lemon, rosemary, eucalyptus and cinnamon. You will see this Combat oil right up front in my pictures. I love that oil! I like to rub it on chests or on the bottoms of feet or along the spine. The smell is lovely to diffuse too!

Something I do for myself when I feel like I’m getting sick is drink fire water. Boil a half cup water and stir in 1 teaspoon cayenne pepper and 1 teaspoon sea salt. Then add a half cup apple cider vinegar. Use Braggs brand or one ‘with the mother’. Take one Tablespoon every 20 minutes or half hour throughout the day, or until you feel better. This really burns so don’t give it to children. I don’t mind it too much because I know it works and is good for me. I can take most anything icky- probably because I had to when I was a little girl sick with cancer. Just pinch your nose shut and swig it down! I mean if it’s good for you, why not?! Jerald doesn’t like to take this but if he’s feeling pretty bad he gives in and shivers it down!

One of my favorite places to order health products from is Sun Lite Herbs in Belle Center Ohio. You can call them for a catalog at 937-464-9099. They have reasonable prices and ship quickly! They carry a lot of products for moms/birthing/prenatals etc. as well as for babies and children and much more! Their Infant Tummy Relief works great for baby, but we also keep it on hand for anyone’s bellyaches and it works wonderfully! I also like their Ear oil for ear aches. Side note here, Basil oil is really good for ear ache too. I rub it around the outside of ear, and place a few drops of the Ear oil in the ear. I also like the Horehound Blend that Sun Lite Herbs carries. It works good and is safe for babies with congestion. To give you an idea on their prices, a lot of their 4 oz tinctures are $19.95. And they carry the Be Your Own Doctor books by Rachel Weaver. Very highly recommended to add to your library if you want to learn about caring for your own health! Be Your Child’s Pediatrician is another one she wrote. She covers vaccines and the dangers of them in this book. Very helpful to look up many ailments. I have all of these books and love them!

Another favorite is Ann’s Naturals in Horse Cave, Kentucky. This is a small family business with the best prices I have found! A 4 oz. tincture is $11, an 8 oz. is $19.50, or you can order as large as 16 oz for $38. You can call Annabelle at 270-524-4680. Not a big catalog but yet has a good variety of the normal echinacea, elderberry, cough syrups, immune booster and more. Also, essential oil blends, diffusers and salves. I love her garlic salve and am quick to use that on my children. It works for chest congestion, ear ache, or even just rubbing on their back for extra benefits when fighting any sickness. The Deep Tissue Healing Oil Salve is also a must have for us! It really helps when rubbed in on sore backs, shoulders or any muscles. It could also be used as a salve for congestion. Or if your child falls and gets a goose egg bump, rub on a bit of this deep tissue salve. The second ingredient is arnica oil, which is good for pain and swelling in bruises and speeds up healing. Don’t use on any open wounds because it would burn.

Many of you are likely familiar with Nature’s Warehouse. But in case your not, their number is 800-215-4372. A large catalog with oodles of health and body products, even carrying health foods and THM products. They print informative health articles to read, among their products in their catalog. They send out a catalog four times a year. Any orders over $25 ship free.

New Light Health from Elliottsburg, PA also has a large catalog with many products, as well as printing interesting health articles. It is similar to Nature’s Warehouse. Their number is 855-692-3500.

If you have interest in making your own tinctures and saving money, contact Walnut Creek Botanicals at 320-585-4372. They offer a variety of kits to make your own tinctures! Very nice kits that include specific directions and all you need to make your own, except for the vegetable glycerin or vodka that you will add to preserve your tinctures. I have gotten and made their herbal calcium kit several times. Super easy and heaps cheaper than buying small 4 oz size tinctures! It made approximately one quart of calcium, and the kit then was $19! I haven’t ordered just real recently so I’m not certain if that’s the current price, but it’s definitely affordable!

I hope this has been informative and helpful in your quest to keeping your family healthy!

“Take care of your body. It’s the only place you have to live”

“It costs money to stay healthy, but it’s expensive to get sick”