It may be something to do with the way my brain is wired, but I have always hated flies for as long as I can remember. Their annoying, buzzing sound irritates me to substantial degrees. When there’s a few that manage to get in my house, I hound them until they’re dead or gone. If they’re buzzing like mad by a window, I’ll crank open the window real fast like, just to get them out of my hair. I use my swatter, but am also able to kill flies with my bare hand when needed. Or crunch them dead against a window.

Saturday night two grand daddies managed to land in my house at bedtime. They follow the light. As we entered the bedroom to retire, there they were, buzzing like wild. It seemed they were saying, “haha, you were gonna go to bed but we’re here to make more work for you. We know you won’t rest as long as we’re here!” While my man lay blissfully in bed, unruffled by the bothersome creatures, I marched right out for my trusty fly swatter and war began. I normally notify them of their coming death as they swirl around me. “Say your last words; your gonna die!” If you can’t get them to sit long enough to swat, just swat to derail them out of the air; you can finish them off on the floor when they’re still stumbling in a stooper. There’s a satisfactory crunch at the end. And peace reigns!

Many years ago when I was just a young girl I wrote this poem in Pennsylvania Dutch. It rhymes superbly well in Dutch and I’m very sorry for those of you who can’t read it. While I am fluent in speaking Pennsylvania Dutch, I never learned to write it, so the following words are written as they would sound. I will then translate it to English the best I can but the humor will be missing because it simply doesn’t flow and rhyme! Raise your hand if you despise flies with me!!

Mookuh

Aw, ih hos anihi mookuh room
Si sin all soo shrecklih doom!
Si fleu doo un fleu dot.
Ih hof si fleu atsvoo fot
Uddu bassu noh- si vaddu doot
Un kendu net fleu do oos broot!
Van si sih mul anlih anu hawcku
Noo shwat ih dih doomih mookuh!
Si acttu van si minuh si sin shmat
Novuh su mih sin si gwah nix vat!
Alzumul is shee shtil in maa shtoop,
Noo al ooh un mul haddih un mook!
Ih shtee mul ooh un shwat sting hot
Bin soo frohu us ahs nihmih dot!
Aw, ih hos annihi sot mookuh
Ih hos even vee si gooku!
Si rilli sin un drooval su mih
Sin sih net aw un drooval su dih?

– Violet Rhodes

Translation:

Aw, ih hos anihi mookuh room
Oh, I hate any flies around

Si sin all soo shrecklih doom!
They are all so terrible dumb!

Si fleu doo un fleu dot.
They fly here and they fly there.

Ih hof si fleu atsvoo fot
I hope they fly somewhere away

Uddu bassu noh- si vaddu doot
Or better yet- they would be dead

Un kendu net fleu do oos broot.
And couldn’t fly here on the bread

Van si sih mul anlih anu hawcku
When they finally sit themselves down

Noo shwat ih dih doomih mookuh!
Then I swat those dumb flies!

Si acttu van si minuh si sin shmat
They act like they think they’re smart

Novuh su mih sin si gwah nix vat!
But to me they are not worth a thing!

Alzumul is shee shtil in maa shtoop,
Sometimes it’s nice and quiet in my room,

Noo al ooh un mul haddih un mook!
Then all of a sudden I hear a fly!

Ih shtee mul ooh un shwat sting hot
I stand right up and swat that thing hard

Bin soo frohu us ahs nihmih dot!
I’m so glad he’s not there anymore!

Aw, ih hos annihi sot mookuh
Oh, I hate any kind of flies

Ih hos even vee si gooku.
I hate even how they look.

Si rilli sin un drooval su mih
They really are a trouble to me

Sin sih net aw un drooval su dih?
Are they not also a trouble to you?