Silence here gives consent to an overflowing life and yo yo-ing health. These combined had me feeling dried up. Oh there’s always ideas wafting through my brain, scribbles in my drawer and dusty drafts in the app, but getting them into fruition can be another story. As I mused and prayed, God brought this idea to mind. It was one of those in my drawer but somehow it popped, and I was inspired to start writing.

Last Spring our evangelist (Kevin Miller from Kansas) preached a message on this verse and it stuck with me. Some of these thoughts are taken from his message and some are my own.

Song of Solomon 1:6

Look not upon me, because I am black, because the sun hath looked upon me: my mother’s children were angry with me; they made me the keeper of the vineyards; but mine own vineyard have I not kept.

This woman in Song Of Solomon was honest in admitting she had neglected her own vineyard. Here’s a passel of questions for us to consider:

Are we being negligent in our vineyards? Are we spending more time on our hobbies than the necessities of the home? Are we over spending time on social media? Are we putting our side business above the needs of our children? Are we neglecting our family’s needs because were too busy somewhere else? There are constantly other needs surrounding us and a continual challenge to discern what’s most important.

Are we being honest like this woman was? Or do we have an attitude of superiority, sure that we know how to raise children, run a smooth household, all the while pretending we have zero faults? Or am I keenly aware of my constant need for God’s every moment grace?

Those who are aware and sorrowful about their shortcomings are the most connected to spiritual things and are the most beautiful. When we rest at Jesus’ feet, weeping with sorrow for our neglegiance, angry outbursts, mishandled discipline or whatever our sin may be,  we are much better outfitted to raise our children, than a proud heart who sees no needs in her life.

Proverbs 12:15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.

Do we have spiritual goals for our homes? Or are we aimlessly bobbing along, sailing with every wind of doctrine that floats our boat?

Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go (and in keeping with his individual gift or bent) and when he is old, he will not depart from it. (Amplified) I like how it gives the idea of training in accordance to the child’s individual gift or personality. There is not one certain method that will work for every child. Every child is unique with unique personality traits. Ask God for wisdom. He gives abundantly to those who ask.

Proverbs 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son, but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.

Correct your child early. Don’t keep on reprimanding until suddenly we’re huffing mad and administer discipline in such a frame of mind. We need love and compassion when disciplining, in order to teach them obedience.

The Bible gives reference to discipline, but there’s more references for nurturing/ training than it does for discipline. That doesn’t mean discipline isn’t necessary. But there’s so much more to raising children than the discipline side of it! And yet, verses about the rod are often the ones brought up in regards to raising children. Nuture your children’s hearts!

The continual instructing and guiding, teaching life skills, obedience, kindness, manners, and domestic jobs are all very important. But the nurturing/caring for their emotional needs is extremely important, or we will lose their little hearts.

Deuteronomy 6:5-7

And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might.
And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart:
And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

Basically, there is no vacation in raising children. In all honesty, sometimes I get weary. Yes, parenting is a privilege, and I’m deeply grateful for the children God has blessed us with! I don’t at all want to insinuate that raising a family is a burden. It’s a blessing! But somedays the amount of mental energy involved feels ginormous and like more than I bargained for.

But who am I kidding? “Raising a family is easy peasey lemon squeezy,” said no one ever! God knows we as parents need character building material in our lives. Sending helpless, itty bitty humans (and later, tweens and teens with astonishing amounts of knowledge) is a perfect method for that.

Some more pointers Kevin gave:

● Mothers who don’t expect obedience from their children won’t have a good relationship with them.

● Teach them to hear you in a normal tone of voice.

● Control your children; don’t let them control you

● Distracting is not the answer to obedience.

● You can largely expect children to develop into what we promote or allow.

● Our homes must radiate the love of God.

● What kind of atmosphere do we have in our homes? Is there tension? Unresolved conflict between us as parents? What kind of words are spoken? What actions and attitudes do we allow?

We mothers have a tremendous impact on the atmosphere of our homes as well as our children’s hearts.

Do we take an interest in their lives, stimulating conversations? Especially for young children, it’s easy to let them chatter, nodding mindlessly or uhuhing at the right times, while our mind is on the task at hand. But it shows love to take an interest in another’s life. Ask questions when they ramble on with their story. It validates and gives recognition that they’re important. It also helps them be comfortable discussing anything with you, which is exactly what we want, especially as they grow to tweens and beyond.  If they learn mom and dad are not safe for asking and confiding everything on their mind, they will build walls around their hearts and turn elsewhere to satisfy the void.

We strive to be examples of godliness, yet it’s impossible to attain perfection. Do you ever despair like I do? Although we can never be free of failures, we can be examples of repentance and asking forgiveness. It shows them it’s ok to mess up and we can’t do this without God’s help. It speaks God’s grace to them before they even realize it.

Hosea 13:6 According to their pasture, so were they filled…..

What are we feeding our families? A diet of silly storybooks, cartoons, foolish movies and romance novels will not fill them with thoughts of God. They will digest whatever they’re fed! Whatever surrounds them. Speech, tone of voice, wall decor, pictures, habits. These can all be impacting their minds towards God or the world. We can’t feed their minds junk and expect healthy emotions and thought patterns. And we certainly can not feed them the things of God when our own heart is not finding fulfillment in Him. We must feed our children the things of God if we want them to learn the things of God!

Our children also need uplifting words of life spoken to them. It can be easy to mostly speak admonition. Praise them for their carefully crafted artwork, the colorful picture, kindness shown, a job done without asking or the delicious cookies they baked. There’s lots of praiseworthy things our children do that we can overlook. I think in the past, parents were afraid of promoting pride in their children, and therefore, didn’t praise much. But if they’re not given words of life, I can assure you, they’ll be looking for that love and validation elsewhere.

In spite of feeling utterly disqualified, I felt God brought me the prompt for this post. I worked on it for weeks but kept procrastinating to publish, because inadequacy haunted me. Don’t we tend to think that somehow other moms just have it together more than we do and they’d never respond like I do sometimes?! I mess up countless times and by no means have things down pat. But it’s my heart’s longing to be faithful in keeping my vineyard. I hope this can bless and inspire all you faithful Moms out there!

I know some of you are waiting for a post on our flower garden. That’s still coming. With this being our first summer for a U-pick patch, there’s been a learning curve to all of it, so it felt best to wait until the season is over. Look for it very late September or early October. If the creek don’t rise and my strength don’t fail till then.