It’s been over a decade since my husband and I have said “I do.” That basically makes us ancient, right? There are more indicators of antique vibes popping out on my head that would agree with the thought. So with my advanced knowledge of married life and its unexpected twists, here’s a glimpse of adventures we’ve had along the way.
What newly weds don’t thrill with delight at setting up their very own house?! The joy of dispersing all the things to their designated stations, scrubbing off sticky tags and liberating everything from its cardboard prison. Who knew there could be so many strings and tags to cut through?! Oh, and the not so pleasant surprise of those fuzzies floating around whenever you wash the new towels! I remember the flinging and winging and flapping of those towels! In vain I tried to rid those flying fuzzies. Time and wear were the only solution to eradicate the stubborn fuzz.
As the years go by, the wear and tear on everything becomes more evident. The rags get frazzled and stained. The sheets fade and tear. The knives, once sharp and reliable, transform into dull cutlery. The pans have lost their shine; the dish rags begin to stink….
The bride and groom settle into routines. Real life slowly but surely starts to chip away at the initial shiny glow of new love. The feelings start to fade. Ordinary life gets a bit dull. The wife gets frazzled and worn, dealing with the challenges of keeping mini people alive and a house in order. The husband’s cologne is not as enticing as it once was, and now his feet begin to stink. Somehow, as the years go by, it’s like a symphony of fraying nerves and housewares…..Welcome to the reality of married life.
Any well seasoned marriage partner knows, it takes effort to keep the sparkles in romance alive and glowing. But it is worth the effort! Our love is better now than it was when we began. And if it keeps getting better, I don’t know how we’ll manage at 40 or 50 years! Married for 12 years, it’s not like we’re overly seasoned, but I’d say we’ve aquired the salt and pepper.
Real life throws setbacks of all sorts. It not only requires effort to keep the marriage in shape, but it also takes effort to keep the house in shape and flowing. If you’ve been married for 5 years or longer, you know what I mean. The wedding gifts and new housewares begin to wear out. Particularly around the 10 -12 year mark. They ought to do showers for couples at every 10 year increment. That’s when things really start giving out- the linens, the appliances, the nerves, the health. At least that’s been our experience.
Nowadays, it seems like many couples have every need supplied before they ever leave for the honeymoon. Even if they can afford it, how good is it for young couples to buy all things brand new? A freshly renovated house complete with all new furniture, a whole bedroom set, and new appliances. Can they learn the value of waiting and doing without, if they never have to do without? It doesn’t hurt anybody to sit on used furniture or at an 80 dollar kitchen table.
I’m going to risk sounding like a complete old timer, but when my husband and I got married, we were broke as a joke. We didn’t have much but we had love. Don’t get me wrong- we had our needs well supplied but we certainly couldn’t afford all things new! The house we were able to purchase after 6 months of renting a humble abode, came with a refrigerator and stove. The stove was nice, but the fridge clattered louder than a leaf in a hurricane with the ending of every cooling cycle. But hey, it kept our food cold, why should we complain?! Our washer and dryer were lightly used, purchased at an auction for a good price. I was tickled how clean they were and hubby was tickled with the bargain.
I was pumped to find a small kitchen table with seating for 6, at a yardsale just a week or two before the wedding. It was oak with white legs. Adorable! Only paid about 75 dollars for it. It worked great for us, but whenever we had more than 4 other people over, we needed to set up a 6 foot plastic table to accommodate the extras. Didn’t hurt us a thing. We did this for about 10 years. Then we found a used, bigger table for a very good price. It still wasn’t quite as big as we’d like but we decided to go for it. Sure enough. Right at about 12 years of marriage, we finally had the funds to buy a new kitchen table. It had a scratch and was returned, thus it was sold to us at a discounted price. This table stretches longer than we ever had before. We love the style, color and everything about it. But it was only after the good man of the house sold a portion of his toy tractor collection, that we felt like we could actually afford it. (I used to think his collection was a lame waste of money; now I see it was a quite profitable endeavor!)
Our living room furniture was a mishmash of bargain finds and auction treasures. I was thrilled the chair and love seat was new and still had the plastic over it because I’m extremely wary of hairy couches. It wasn’t until around 10 years of marriage that we bought a new matching set of recliners and sofa.
We didn’t have a big budget for themed rooms and extravagant purchases, but I had so much fun decorating our house! I used what I had brought from home, plus decor from our wedding and gifts. It thrilled my heart to walk through our cozy house with all the little lights and candles glowing…. romantic vibes indeed! It is still one of my favorite things- puttering around my house rearranging this and removing that, lighting a candle or arranging plants, all in the face of having a new look to my surroundings! And it doesn’t cost a cent.
Our bedroom set was from a college student looking to rid her apartment furniture. It worked, but the bed frame squeaked worse than a mouse on a cheese run. Since we never spent much on our bedroom set, we upgraded 7- 9 years later, but again stuck with used. Finally, right around 11 years of marriage, we sold the set we had, and upgraded to a minimalist type of frame. We still don’t have matching nightstands/dresser, but we’re fine with that. We like our room less crowded and don’t miss a big, bulky bedframe. Plus, less squeaking more sleeping!
Now let’s talk about appliances- the unsung heros of every household. I’d say investing in new appliances is better use of your money than splurging on fancy furniture. Appliances work hard and can take a knocking after 10 or 12 years. You need a stove and refrigerator but you don’t actually need a designer sofa to survive. And very possibly, if you buy a brand new refrigerator, you won’t go through them like we did!
Within a few months of moving into our house, we found a used refrigerator to replace the clattering one. It ran well for us, but we left it at the house when we moved to NE. We had a second fridge in our garage, ancient though it was, which we brought along on our move. Less than a year after its moving experience, it died on us. Providentially, it was on the coldest day of the year. I could merely place the items in baskets and stow them in the garage. That self same day, we found another used fridge but heaps newer than our old one, for only 400 dollars! This is what we’re running on yet. I expect it’s only a matter of time until it’s days are over. But maybe. Just maybe. When that day comes, we can afford a brand new refrigerator!
Now for the washer and dryer experience. They both ran faithful and steady for many years- a real bargain! Until one day last summer. I got my laundry started as usual and went to prepare breakfast. Suddenly, I became aware that the washer was filling for a very long time! Sure enough. It was an old top loader and this time it literally had no discipline to stop filling. There were rivers of water flowing over. Out of the laundry room, into the kitchen and down the register. It was like the love of Jesus- spilling over everywhere it went! I stopped the washer instantly; my elevated shrieking skills bringing my man around in short order. After the disaster response service, he was off on a quest to purchase a new washer. I stubbornly refused to embrace a front loading machine. I’ve had a good deal of battles with those when I used them at others’ houses. Just please give me a humble top loader. They’re so rare, we barely managed to find one. It’s still more advanced than I prefer, but it beats a front loader in my opinion. I don’t even care if that makes me old fashioned!
After this episode I reminded myself the dryer is the same age as its departed companion; I ought to prepare for its demise as well. What do you know. Not 8 months later it started giving fits and totally went kaplooih. There goes hundreds of dollars for another new appliance! I could’ve went without one a little longer, but this was in the dead of winter and who wants to embrace that chill?
God hasn’t blessed us with a quiver full of children like many couples, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have lots of expenses. I’ve accumulated more like a quiver full of health issues, which rapidly and vastly consume finances. But I thank God for providing us with income so that we’ve been able to doctor for my health. Otherwise, I don’t know if I’d be here writing this substantial post. And the Lord has surely blessed us! We’ve got two precious children, and my health seems to be slowly improving. There’s always something to be grateful for!
My advice to newly weds? You don’t have to buy it all now! Learn to save and do without. You’ll certainly want to save up for that 10-12 year mark. When life throws those curve balls, you’ll need that extra cushion of funds! Whether it’s for stalling appliances, the fraying nerves and linens, the Dr appointments or dentist visits. Life has a way of keeping the green backs from collecting dust. So be prepared. Embrace the quirks, the worn-out house wares, and unexpected expenses. It’s the journey together that truly matters. Buckle up and enjoy the ride! With a dash of humor and plenty of love, you’ll navigate the choppy waters of marriage with laughter in your hearts and a well-worn house to call home. Happy nesting!
of windowsills and breezy hills 